Part 1: Jesus Takes His Rightful Place
Worship vs Performance? Entertainment vs Ministry? Excellence vs Heart? Artist vs Minister? Over the next few weeks, I will be touching on some of these viewpoints as I review my journey as both Artist and Follower of Christ....
“I’m at the end of my rope!” “I can’t take this anymore!” “I just want the pain to go away!”
That’s exactly where I was a little over 36 years ago. Although I had been raised in a Christian home and attended a church during my childhood and teenage years, something was missing.
Things had really started getting off track about five years earlier when I left home for a nearby state university. My newfound freedom as a college student would soon not only distance me from my home, but it would also carry me far from my Christian upbringing. Instead of the straight and narrow,
I was now engaging in a lifestyle of drinking, partying, and eventually drugs. I wanted to spread my wings and experience life.
I didn’t want to miss out… What a mistake that was!
It began with drinking on the weekends. Next, marijuana was added to the equation and soon after that, I was introducing pills, like ecstasy, into the mix. As I engaged more and more with the party scene,
I slowly began losing touch with my past...my family, and my then limited faith.
Soon, I started dating the guy who had provided me and my friends with our “party drugs.” He had graduated and left college but continued to drive back to the school to visit and party with us.
At the time I was pursuing a degree in dance and theatre education. At the end of my third Fall semester, I was awarded a dance scholarship and special college recognition that allowed me to travel to Atlanta, Georgia as a representative for the State of Texas in Dance Education. On top of that, the University’s Ballet Master had approached me and was going to begin working with me privately after our company classes...for FREE! I was so excited and the future looked very bright!
But...I missed my boyfriend! Eventually AND foolishly, I chose to move to Dallas to be near him...
I left my title, scholarship, and opportunity behind.
Upon arriving in Dallas, I quickly landed a job at the city’s top car dealership in the downtown area. I was initially hired as an accounts receivable clerk, but within one year I was promoted to the position of credit manager. Shortly after this, I was recruited as a personnel manager for another company. I was seemingly thriving!
My boyfriend and I continued to “party” together, and I became more and more involved with him. We started using cocaine and eventually we were married. Within six months the drugs began having their effect on our relationship. He was using much more than I was aware of and the result was he became abusive. During this time I actually made two feeble attempts at suicide.
The final straw happened one evening when
he pinned me against a wall and then
pushed me down a flight of stairs.
It was more than I could take... Three months later the divorce was final. I left Texas and moved to Arizona. My dreams…my world... had fallen apart – and I felt like a complete failure! I was lost and without hope...
I arrived in Chandler, Arizona in September of 1987 and began selling insurance. This was not my first choice as a vocation, but it was the opportunity I had been given. I was horrible at sales! Hopelessness began to once again overtake me, and I found myself at my lowest point yet.
Little did I know, God had a plan!
During those first couple of months after arriving in Arizona, several people crossed my path. They were people who actually had a relationship with God. This was a foreign concept to me at the time... They would often offer me an encouraging word or give me a slip of paper with a scripture on it. Though initially I was annoyed… “Why do these people keep talking to me about God and giving me these stupid pieces of paper?!?”... the curiosity eventually caused me to dig into my still-unpacked boxes and retrieve my old childhood Bible. I just had to know what those scriptures said!
I remember one evening soon after this speaking to my mom on the phone. I told her I was depressed. I didn’t like selling insurance; I didn’t know anyone; I didn’t have friends; I hated how there was nothing green here, and everything was brown and dead…and I was feeling suicidal again. (I didn’t share that last part with her....)
I did, however, mention that I had pulled out my Bible to look at a scripture someone had given me…and THIS was her door of opportunity – through which she quickly jumped!
She began encouraging me to get out the yellow pages (Does anyone remember those??) She wanted me to see if I couldn’t find a nice church to attend. She continued…”And why don’t you see if you can find a local theatre. You’ve always enjoyed drama, and I’m sure you could make some new friends there…”
Not enjoying the turn in our conversation,
I told her I would think about it and
I quickly ended the phone call.
As I got ready for bed that night, I decided I would try that “prayer thing” one more time. I basically told God – if you’re real and not just some story book character, then YOU find me the church and theatre where I can meet some friends. (Disclaimer: There may have been a few expletives integrated into this prayer...I was at a pretty dark place in my life.)
The next day I came home early from work because I had two appointment cancellations. A few moments after arriving there was a knock at the door. It was a guy from the Mayflower moving company. He had a delivery for a house down the street, but no one was home. He asked to use my phone to call his dispatch office. (This was before mobile phones, if you can imagine that?) I told him “sure,” and he came in and used the phone. When he completed his call, we continued to talk which allowed him to notice my then heavy Texas accent.
He continued, asking how long I had been in Arizona, etc…and if I had found a church. And if not, would I like to join him at his church. At that point I didn’t give a thought to my prayer from the night before…only to the fact that he was cute…and I thought, “sure I’ll go to church with him.” We chatted a bit longer and then agreed we would go the following week.
As he opened the door to leave, he stopped abruptly and turned around…in fact, I almost ran into him. He said, “I don’t know if you're interested in drama or not, but I’m a member of a theatre troupe at my church that meets on Wednesdays, and if you want, I could take you to that, too.” It was at this moment that I suddenly remembered my prayer from the night before… “If you’re really God...then you find me the church and a theatre group.”
I remember a shiver going up my spine as I told him “ok” and bid him a quick goodbye.
I’m not going to lie. I was pretty freaked out in that moment! Did that really just happen???? The answer? YES! It did!!
God was real…. and I had just encountered Him!
My prayer had been coarse and my heart hard...But he loved and pursued me anyway. In fact, He had actually sent someone to my door! I just couldn’t believe it!
The next week I went to church with that young man. (btw-I am still dear friends with Tim, and is wife Michelle, and receive encouraging texts from him often.)
The church was then Gospel Echoes Eastside. At the end of the service when the Pastor invited those who wanted to know Christ personally to come to the front…well, I walked down that aisle and met Him there….and my life has never been the same. I tell everyone I was on a trip going straight down, and Jesus came and turned me right side up.
That encounter forever changed me
and the trajectory of my life...
Previously the arts had been everything to me. They were my passion. They were my identity. They were my hiding place….my escape from all pain. But that day, Jesus stepped in...and he became the object of my affection….and since, the arts have moved to where I consider to be their rightful place. No longer are they my Savior, but instead they are the beautiful tools through which I love and serve my true Savior.
To be continued…
The above pictures:
Picture 1: Me before Christ
Picture 2: My College Dance Company (I'm in the back row, third in from the right)
Picture 3: Tim, who God sent to my door in answer to my prayer...and his wife, Michelle
Romans 5:8 (NIV) "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Psalm 86:15 (NIV) "But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness."
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